she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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