just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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