I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
