Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
