Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
