I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
