what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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