I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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