he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize