apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
