Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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