Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize