u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
