I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
