i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
