so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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