someone threw a dead crab at me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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