you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize