i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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