is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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