So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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