No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
