This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
