"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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