I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
