so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
