I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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