Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He did a backflip because drugs
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