All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
