I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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