Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
