My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize