i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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