i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
