I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
