she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
