So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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