Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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