I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
