matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
