Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize