I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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