We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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