I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize