I didn't shave. On purpose
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize