me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
