oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wear drunk well.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
