Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize