Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize