wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have aggressive nipples.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
