allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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