There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
