at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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