she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
