They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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