Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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