Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
