Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
