If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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