Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So much rum. So many feels.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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