you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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