I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
