My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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