If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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