Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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