Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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