And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
