Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
