Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
