He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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